In which G.M. Norton takes his new suit on a strange little outing.
A milestone for any gentleman, I recently acquired my first ever three-piece tweed suit. A grey number, with a red windowpane check, it is from Messrs Walker Slater.
They have clothing emporiums in both Edinburgh and Londinium but as I reside near neither, I made my purchase online.
I'll tell you a little story, if I may. I used to own a grey wool suit. Grey is a safe suit colour choice, it goes with absolutely all kinds of things. It is probably the most versatile suit you could own.
Taking a walk on the strange side |
Anyway, one morning last year I was at the local petrol station as my motorcar was in need of a little nourishment. My petrol cap sits on the right of the car but there were no corresponding petrol pumps free allowing easy access for refuelling. "Ah," thought I. "I will stretch the hose thingy over the car." So I did, with horrifying consequences. The petrol pump was so taut that when I released it away from my car, it pulled back, somehow releasing petrol over my grey suit.
To cut a tedious story short, my suit was ruined. No dry cleaner would touch it for fear of inflammation and attempts to hand wash it somehow destroyed the fabric.
At this juncture, you may be thinking "Poppycock! Nobody can be so foolish. You did it on purpose so you could buy a new suit." I'm afraid I can be quite idiotic at the best of times. Still, at least I'm aware of my shortcomings.
So, that was one whole year ago. A year without my trusty grey suit. Thankfully, I now have a new one. Do you like it? I'm wearing the Legends London Maximum Hold Hair Gel too.
What time is it?! I can't believe my eyes |
Outdoor eye tests are all the rage |
My Bartitsu didn't scare the ruffian away... |
...but my singing did! |
It is a Swiss mechanical full hunter pocket watch, ensuring I am never late for any important dates. Speaking of which, I must dash! Toodle pip.
G.M. Norton
Protagonist of 'Norton of Morton'
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