In which G.M. Norton finds himself in a hairy situation.
Today the humble moustache has all but vanished from the
faces of young men, cast into the dark abyss of the past with a disapproving
glare for good measure.
Instead of sporting magnificent upper lip appendages, our
mixed-up society has sought fit to proudly wear over-sized babygrows and dip
themselves in creosote instead.
Thankfully, there is still a small band of supporters
intent on reawakening the moustache by proudly displaying graspable appendages
and challenging the clean-shaven status quo of modernity.
Not one to hold back, I have decided to join this most
chivalrous of movements and become a fully-fledged member of the Fur Face
Fellowship. After all, 2013 is the Year of the Gentleman and every
self-respecting gentleman should at one stage or another sport a sprouting of
hair above their top lip.
 |
| Suits you sir? |
I have spent the last four weeks carefully cultivating it
in the hope of eventually achieving the greatest of moustache styles – yes,
that’s right, the handlebar.
Having conducted in-depth research (namely Google), I
have discovered it generally takes at least twelve weeks to achieve handlebar
status. By my calculations, I am eight weeks away.
 |
| Trying to perfect the thousand yard stare |
As I alluded to in an earlier moustache-related posting,
sadly my facial hair is naturally a heady mix of blonde, white-blonde, brown
and a few specks of grey. As certain parts are not very visible, I have
succumbed to dying it to solve my colouring conundrum.
As a man unaccustomed to dye and cautious to the possible
perils of said product, I must say from my experience so far that it’s all very
simple. The facial hair dye I used, Just for Men, has turned my top lip topiary
from dull to dark. Once it’s applied, you leave it on for five minutes before
washing off – and there you have it.
If you too have dreamed of displaying face foliage but
have been put off by the colour card fate has cruelly dealt you, I would
heartily recommend ‘Just for Men’. I acquired mine from Messrs Boots for
the paltry sum of £7.69. To achieve the colour I have craved, I consider this
to be money well spent.
 |
| The colour cure |
If you are interested in charting the progress of my
moustache growing endeavours, I intend to provide regular updates on the
Twittering Device – if you’re not already a loyal follower, you can find me
@nortonofmorton. Wish me luck.
G.M. Norton
Protagonist of ‘Norton of Morton’
Protagonist of ‘Norton of Morton’
What an absolutely splendid job you've done there - an excellent specimen of an infant tache if ever I saw one!
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the next 8 weeks - and love the fact you've gone to the trouble of dying it.... that's dedication :)
www.mancunianvintage.com
You are frightfully kind, thank you! You are the first to call it an 'excellent specimen'. Although my mother's physician did remark 'What a fine specimen!' when he first clapped eyes on me as a baby. Thus far, I am rather enjoying the 'tache growing experience. Let's hope it continues to be plain sailing.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteJust be a tad careful with the beard dye, old chap - I used it when the face furniture started to look its age, and for a few years it covered up the evidence. One day, however, I applied it and immediately felt a burning sensation - and within a day or two, my skin broke out in a nasty rash. I had developed an allergy to the stuff. So now I am as white as the driven snow. Oh well, anno domini, tempus fugit and all that. I really enjoyed your website, hope to see more of it!
ReplyDeleteNiall McGuinness
Terribly good of you to stop by, sir! Many thanks for the dye warning - I will tread carefully with it. I've only applied dye every two or three months in an effort to embrace my natural colours a little more.
DeleteTinkerty-tonk!